my struggle.

i'm trying.
im trying to be better, to do better.
i'm trying.
i'm trying to breathe stronger, to absorb your goodness.
i'm trying.
i'm trying to be who you want me to be.

i know that i can be better, and do better.
i know that i can breathe stronger and absorb your goodness as i stand steadfast in firm in your presence,
i know you already accept me as i am.

then why.
why do i keep coming back to the same spot.
why can't i trust you.
why can't i just give it all to you.

then what is it?
what am i holding onto?
what is it about me that you won't ever let me go?
what do you see in me, that i can't?

how will it end?
how will you use me to accomplish your plans?
how will you teach me your ways?
how will you completely restore me?
how will you guide the paths i take?

will it be easy?
will it be hard?

have you shown me only the pieces, and do i need to place them together?
how will i know if that is what i'm supposed to do?
will you let me know when? or how?

will i always feel this way?
will i always feel lost?
will i always struggle?
will i always hit rock bottom?
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you' ve shown me trials.
you've shown me your grace
you've shown me how to love the way you love me.

am i able to walk trials alone?
no
am i able to face the world alone?
no
am i ready to do everything in love, in your name, in your ways, in your marvel, in your spirit, in your goodness, in your captivating love?
> YES. i am.

i am here to be your servant.
i am here to face trials and overcome them
i am here to cry for joy, change, and love
i am here to understand your ways
i am here to have faith that i will live in heaven when my flesh dies
i am here to live my life through you
i am here to cry out to you
i am here to hear you
i am here to love on others
i am here to show your talent's you've blessed me with, and encourage other's talents

i am here because you want me to be that difference
i am here because you want me to love another sacrificially
i am here because you want me to live out a love and life to you
i am here because you want me to change other's hearts for your glory.
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and i thank you.
i thank you for setting me where you want me to be.
i thank you for making my heart strong
i thank you for strengthening my weakened spirit.
i thank you for your words of wisdom that i could pass on to nonbelievers
i thank you for your goodness
i thank you for the joy you have bestowed in my life
i thank you for letting me love you more and more daily
i thank you for loving me and never giving up on me, never leaving me, always reaching out for me, consoling me, guarding me.

for all this. i simply thank you.